


looking for something dumb to do

by MissSugarPlum



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: (kind of), M/M, Not beta-read, also mostly dialogue, not a whole lot of exposition, sorry bout it, this is just fluffy nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 08:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5241584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSugarPlum/pseuds/MissSugarPlum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was nothing serious, at first, meant to be a joke, a way for Len to get under his skin, taunt him and tease him and drive him just as infuriatingly crazy as he made Len.</p>
<p>Of course, nothing ever really pans out quite as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	looking for something dumb to do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ArticNight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArticNight/gifts).



> I have three other fics that I _need to get my ass working on, jesus_ , but here, have 1500 words of ridiculousness instead.
> 
> So [jupitarslightning](http://jupitarslightning.tumblr.com) posted [this](http://jupitarslightning.tumblr.com/post/133374210504/im-just-gunna-put-this-here) on tumblr with the hashtag ColdFlash, and really, resistance was futile, so... this one's for you. :D
> 
> (For the record, I may or may not have googled "awesome pizza places near Kansas City" and gone with one of the options listed as a result, and _holy god_ I have never wanted pizza so badly in my life.)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> **Edit:[translated into Russian](https://ficbook.net/readfic/3794256) by the fantastic [Just_Irene](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_Irene/pseuds/Just_Irene), thank you so much!**
> 
> (Title from Bruno Mars' Marry You, because I am hilarious like that)

It was nothing serious, at first, meant to be a joke, a way for Len to get under his skin, taunt him and tease him and drive him just as infuriatingly crazy as he made Len.

 

Of course, nothing ever really pans out quite as planned.

 

-x-

 

Getting Barry Allen’s phone number is laughably easy - he may not be world-class like that blonde bombshell from Starling City, but his hacking skills are nothing to sneeze at, and the CCPD’s records are child’s play to him. He gleefully spends a full eleven minutes painstakingly crafting the perfect message to send him, and when a response comes in not ten seconds later, he can’t help but laugh.

 

**One would think you’d keep your personal information guarded a little closer to your chest, Flash.**

 

_who is this??_

 

He doesn’t respond, leaves his phone sitting innocently on the cushion of the comfiest sofa he’s ever had (nothing but the best for his favorite safehouse) as he strolls into the kitchen to fix himself a snack and a drink.

 

Four minutes and thirty-two seconds later, Len sinks into the heavenly couch, taking a bite of his sandwich as he scrolls through the seven new messages on his phone.

 

_hello?_

 

_seriously how did you get this number_

 

_i don’t know who the flash is but this isn’t him_

 

_or her_

 

_because i mean who knows really_

 

_tell me who this is if this is a joke it’s not funny_

 

_hello???_

 

Len snorts out a laugh, taking the time to polish off his sandwich and take a swig of his beer before brushing the crumbs off his fingers and composing his reply.

 

**Not very convincing, Barry.**

 

The response comes a quick three seconds later (no, he wasn’t counting), four messages in a rapid pace:

 

_okay seriously who is this_

 

_how do you know my name_

 

_this is considered stalking you know_

 

_i’m not afraid to go to the police_

 

He considers letting him stew, but ultimately decides he’s having too much fun.

 

**Keep your cool, Barry. And you can tell your superiors if you like, but I can promise you they won’t find anything.**

 

_SNART???_

 

Well, it really couldn’t be helped, Len thinks, somewhat in dismay but mostly in amusement. He couldn’t resist the pun, that little dig, but he should know by now that the kid isn’t stupid, is more than clever enough to piece together the clues and come up with the one answer that fits, and he is more than okay with saying so.

 

**I’m impressed, Barry. Very quick thinking of you.**

 

_how did you get this number??_

 

_wait no i don’t want to know_

 

_why are you texting me?_

 

_actually no don’t answer that either i don’t care_

 

_just stop_

 

(Len would be impressed with the speed at which Barry replies, but would it really take that much longer to punctuate properly?)

 

He refrains from sending another message, smirking at the thought of Barry on the other end of the conversation, frazzled and steaming and not able to do a damn thing about it.

 

-x-

 

And really, it just devolves from there.

 

-x-

 

**Good seeing you today, Barry.**

 

_you’re so lucky i can’t trace your damn phone snart_

 

**I’m not an idiot.**

 

_i wouldn’t go that far_

 

**I outsmarted you, didn’t I?**

 

**Ooh, did I touch a nerve?**

 

_stop texting me_

 

-x-

 

**I’m thinking of pulling another bank heist, what do you think?**

 

_what is it with you and bank robberies_

 

_i mean how cliche can you get_

 

**Just for that, kid, I don’t think I’ll tell you anything else.**

 

_GOOD_

 

-x-

 

**Did you really think changing your number would deter me, Barry?**

 

_okay seriously how are you doing this_

 

_THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK_

 

**I guess I’m just that good.**

 

_keep telling yourself that_

 

_AND STOP TEXTING ME DAMNIT_

 

-x-

 

It’s a routine job, a transfer of a dozen priceless heirlooms that Osgood and Rachel Rathaway have been overseeing from one ridiculously overpriced house to the next for whatever reason, something that has the Pied Piper sneering for days.

 

Adding Hartley to the team is one of the best decisions Len’s ever made. Not only is the kid wickedly smart, he’s got a personal vendetta against two of the richest and most powerful people in Central City and a lifetime of living with them, knowing their habits and quirks, to draw from when they plan heists like this.

 

Really, it’s only too easy.

 

Which is why, instead of bitching and moaning like the rest of his Rogues when the Flash speeds in out of nowhere, he grins.

 

He’s ready to have some fun.

 

-x-

 

**You can’t be that mad, Barry. They more than deserved what was coming to them.**

 

_are you ever going to stop texting me?_

 

**No.**

 

_ugh_

 

_fine_

 

_i’m not mad at that_

 

_well_

 

_okay i’m a little mad_

 

_did you really need to shoot the cold gun at my face???_

 

**It gave us the necessary time to get away, didn’t it?**

 

_i still have ice shards in my nose!!_

 

**That mental image is too funny for me to be truly sorry, kid.**

 

_ugh whatever_

 

_oh and can you tell pied piper that cisco distorted the audio from the security tape? the police won’t know it was him_

 

**Why would Cisco do that?**

 

_he says he owes hartley one, from the time he was in the pipeline_

 

**I’ll make sure to tell him.**

 

_thanks_

 

-x-

 

_tell peek a boo and weather wizard to stop flirting during heists okay it’s seriously weird_

 

**If I could control my Rogues like that, kid, then my sister wouldn’t be sneaking off to spend time with Cisco every three days.**

 

_THEYRE WHAT???_

 

**You didn’t know?**

 

_HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN HAPPENING??!_

 

**Months, kid. For someone with super speed, you’re a bit slow on the uptake, aren’t you?**

 

-x-

 

He doesn’t mean to get comfortable with the kid, to go from needling at Barry’s sore spots to texting him whenever anything mildly amusing happens with one of his Rogues (the slew of outraged texts he got after Barry finally confronted Cisco about his fling with Lisa are saved to the memory card of Len’s phone, and he often pulls them up to read when he’s in need of some hilarity).

 

He doesn’t question the urge to text Barry at all times of day, doesn’t question the burst of warmth that spurts in his chest when the speedster takes the initiative to text Len first, doesn’t fight the smile that overtakes his face when Barry sends him a message that can be read as even slightly fond.

 

He doesn’t fight it, doesn’t try to stop it, knows himself well enough to know it won’t do any good. He just accepts it, this growing feeling, and hopes he knows what he’s doing, that _Barry_ knows what he’s doing.

 

His phone chimes with an incoming text, and he smiles as he brings up the message.

 

_i am so hungry ohmygod_

 

**What happened?**

 

_james jesse somehow staged a prison riot and managed to escape, we’ve been trailing after him for the last three days_

 

**That explains the news. Are you okay?**

 

_fine_

 

_just exhausted_

 

_and so hungry_

 

_seriously i could eat like an entire dairy farm full of cows and still be hungry_

 

**Are you at STAR Labs?**

 

_yeah why_

 

**I’m having Grinder’s delivered to you. What do you want?**

 

_omg seriously_

 

**Yes, seriously.**

 

_can i just marry you now please_

  
  


...What?

 

Len’s fingers pause over the typepad of his phone, mind blanking for an embarrassingly long forty-seven seconds. Just as he shakes himself out of his daze, makes to type out a reply, another series of chimes come through.

 

_oh my god_

 

_did i really just say that_

 

_please don’t take that seriously okay_

 

_i get delirious when i’m hungry_

 

_i don’t really want to marry you_

 

_oh jesus now i just sound like an asshole_

 

_i didn’t mean that either_

 

_i mean_

 

_fuck_

 

_i just made this really awkward and weird didn’t i??_

 

And what can Len say to that, really? He types out his answer with steady fingers, doesn’t give himself time to overthink before pressing send.

 

**How about we try dinner first, see how that goes, and work our way up?**

 

His phone is silent for a staggering seven minutes and thirteen seconds, and he nearly gives up and sends another, retracting his offer, offering up some lame joke as an excuse, when Barry finally texts back.

 

_did you seriously just ask me out over text??_

 

He laughs a little, fond, relieved, before pressing another button and holding the phone to his ear.

 

It barely finishes its first ring before a voice answers, breathless. “Yes?”

 

“How ‘bout it, Barry? You, me, dinner?”

 

Barry’s laugh has never sounded so carefree to him, so light, and Len finds that his small smile has grown to ear-splitting proportions quite without his consent. “Sounds good. When?”

 

“Oh, say, seven? STAR Labs? I’ll bring the pizza.”

 

Barry’s voice is shy but full to the brim with emotion. “I’ll be waiting.”

 

And Len hangs up the phone. Stares at it for a bit (fourteen seconds).

  
And he smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> These two have completely taken over my life, come [cry with me](http://that-pumpkinspicewhitegirl.tumblr.com) about it.


End file.
